The Girl In The Ill-Fitting Bikini
My wife and I are sitting on the beach when a group of young people in their twenties show up. Among them is, shall we say, a rather large young lady who has packed herself into a bikini. Not just any old bikini, but one that is probably, say in my humble estimation, about three sizes too small. Not a problem, except that she is constantly pulling, adjusting, fussing and fighting with her swimsuit the entire way down the beach. Finally, as the sun is setting, she has at last settled snugly into her bathing suit. Out of nowhere, she bends down, unfortunately revealing an “I now cannot un-see moment,” opens her bag, pulls out a vaporizer and takes two huge hits of pot. Wait! What? Yes smoking herb on this now sullied family friendly beach. She then turns and walks towards the water still yanking on her suit for that perfect fit and jumps in.
Back on the beach after her refreshing plunge, she lies down and continues to fiddle with her suit again. Five minutes into this procedure, she flips over revealing an area that puts Kim Kardashian to shame and begins to paw at her bikini bottom creating an improvised thong! I'm witnessing a perpetual motion machine wrapped in an ill-fitting bikini. I kid you not! Now she has totally untied her top exposing uncharted territory. One can only hope she doesn't jump up and horrify everyone on the beach! We are still recovering from the vaporizer incident.