The Woman With Inappropriate Footwear
My wife and I are sitting on the beach soaking up the sun, listening to the Beach Boys on Spotify, drinking some Dark and Stormy’s and generally having a great time. The beach is located on Lewis Bay. Exactly a seven minute walk (yes my OCD demanded that I time it) from our rental to a quiet, secluded, sandy and really freakin’ rocky beach. Four years ago when we first came here we didn’t know about the rocks. One trip into the water necessitated a visit to the local “surf shop” for a pair of sturdy beach shoes.
As I’m relaxing on the shore I spy a middle-aged couple emerging from the surf. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Well, as she plods towards us I look at down and see that she has high heels on. High heels? On a beach? Not just any pair of high heels. No, that would be simply ridiculous. But stiletto high heels. That’s right. I mean what possibly could have gone through her head that morning. Hmmmm. Let’s see. We are going to the beach today. What should I wear? How about something that no one in their right mind would wear. I know. High heels.
Remember that a beach has sand. Lots of it. It’s soft, its squishy, it’s rutted with holes, dips, divots and ruined sand castles. She is holding onto her husband for dear life as they slowly trudge up the beach. As they pass us I hear them speaking what sounds like Russian.
Well then, that would explain this cultural gaffe. They are obviously unfamiliar with American customs such as wearing sandals, flip-flops, or anything but high heels to the beach. Perfectly understandable. She almost keels over as she nearly misses a two-foot deep hole in the sand. We hear hubby mutter something in Russian, probably telling her that the bikini was enough and she should have left the 4-inch spikes at home. This is the beach, my little babushka, not the Victoria Secret runway!
By Barry and Sallyanne Scott