Sunday, August 7, 2016

Cape Cod; The Madness Begins

So my wife and I are on our way to the beach this morning looking forward to spending a relaxing day soaking up the sun and surf.  As I’m walking down the street (an exact  seven minute walk mind you) I spy, out of the corner of my eye, what appears to be a statue dressed in black.  Okay, we are on Cape Cod.  Maybe it’s some memorial to the Pilgrims.  Right? As we get close to it I am shocked to find that, no it’s not a Pilgrim, of course not.  It’s a blow up sex toy, with a Halloween mask on, dressed in a Nun’s Habit!  Really, I’m not making this up.  I mean “what the fuck?” doesn’t even begin to describe what’s going through my head.  Oh, and did I mention that her name is/was Sister Suzie?  Probably not.  Anyway to make matter worse there was a sign-in book.  Of course I immediately signed it, but I didn’t leave my email address.  I mean they could ask me for money or something later on.  

Anyway, I can genuinely say that I have never, I repeat never, seen anything like Sister Suzie. Someone actually took the time and thought that one out.  “ Let’s see.  How can I honor my dear Sister Suzie? Hmmm. I’ve got it.  I’ll dress my sex doll up in a Pilgrims costume, put an Ilsa mask on it and call it a day!”    Listen, I’m Jewish, not Catholic, but even I know that is way out of bounds as far as the Church is concerned.  Although the sign-in book was a stroke of genius. 

So, who is Sister Suzie?  Good question.  There was no pamphlet nor prayer card so I begin my hunt on the Google.  Immediately, Google wants to know if I really mean Sister Susie?  Hey, if I wanted Susie with an S I would have typed that!!!  Sorry.  Anyway, the first result is a song by Cock Sparrer, (not making that up either) an eighties glam band.   The video is horrible, the lyrics allude to incest, and I moved on.  Sister Suzie appears in “Let Em In,” a Paul McCartney song.  I not sure Sir Paul would approve of that homage to his song.  The Google is continuing to torture me about whether or not I still meant to spell it with an S.  Okay, fuck it.  I look up Sister Susie and this  version is a World War I drinking song made famous by Al Jolson.   “Sister Susie's Sewing Shirts for Soldiers.”  Eh?

The mystery of Sister Suzie continues.  A fallen angel?  Or some sick, twisted, demented mind with a diabolical plan to scare people not to come to Cape Cod.  I don’t know, but I think I’m going to back and give them my email address.  Maybe they can send me updates.  

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