Friday, April 18, 2014

For Cryin' Out Loud Facebook, Get my Demographics Right!

Now, trust me, I’m not complaining, but lately I’ve been getting an eyeful in my sponsored links feed on Facebook. I keep  getting ads for things such as “Babes Ride in Fast Cars,”  “50 Plus? She Don’t Even Care,” and “What Every Guy Needs.”  The babe is riding in a Camaro, so I immediately dismiss it because my current whip is a Mustang. “The 50 Plus? She Don’t Even Care” site has a sense of urgency; limited openings, so I have to act fast. I cringe at the grammatically incorrect title, and besides, my wife would CARE. However, I do foolishly click on the “What Every Guy Needs” link to see exactly what I need and discover that I need a date with a stranger.  My mother taught me never to talk to strangers and again my wife would care. Strongly!   

I decide to click on the See-All sponsored links in hopes that something more my style will appear.  More dating sites.  That’s a shock.  Learn French?  Non!  A Brazilian wax for $39. Is that a good deal?  I’m a comparison shopper but I wouldn’t even know where to begin researching that!  Angie’s List? Would they even review that?  Here’s a weird one.  Something about ED and if it is possible to reverse ED.  I don’t anyone named ED and I’m sure that with the right motivation, ED can reverse himself on his own.  “C’mon ED, get up and get with the program.  Reverse yourself!”

I knew that clicking on the links would make matters worse and when I refreshed the page, there is now a girl with enormous breasts laying on the hood of, you guessed it another Camaro. Hey Facebook, knock-knock, “I drive a freakin’ Mustang!”  This is followed by an ad for those creepy looking exposed toe workout shoe things, Younger Woman/ Older Man, and a disturbing picture of three of the most disgusting looking guys showing off their enormous guts pitching weight loss.  Really? If the picture is any indication of how effective this technique is, I’ll pass.  A shot of a woman taking off her underwear catches my attention.  It’s titled “Bad Girls Have More Fun!”  I’m not convinced that you can scientifically prove that, but I click on it nonetheless.  OMG another Camaro! Well, another Camaro filled with a girl with large breasts.  Here is one that beckons me.  “Use Me As Your Toy! This doll wants to get “na-ke-d!”  With me right now.  Seriously, na-ke-d? She could be in Uzbekistan for all I know so how in world are we going to get na-ke-d? In the interest of research I naturally clicked on the link.  Fully clothed I can assure you.  Well, another dating site.

Surely Facebook would have figured out my real demographic by now.  Instead of seeing pictures of smokin’ single women on/in cars I dislike it would probably be more useful to them to show me advertisements of denture cream, Depends and if I keep on clicking on these links marriage counselors.  But alas they have somehow falsely concluded that naked women on cars are more of my style. Well, yea, to a certain point, but in the end, my wife would still mind. 

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